Hi, there. Thanks for visiting. I'm starting this blog as an advocate for mental and physical health. I'm a freelance writer and also own a home based medical transcription business. I was diagnosed in 1978 with paranoid schizophrenia and started to become acutely ill three years prior to that, unmedicated, frightened, confused, and in trouble with the law. I graduated from university with distinction the year I became ill. I've never regretted learning how to think at university. I struggled with my illness for 35 years and have reached the top of the mountain now, I think, or the other side, where the grass is greener and the path easier. There's hope for all of us, the whole human race, and never think there isn't hope or joy no matter your circumstances. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences with mental illness in all its forms: depression, brain injury, autism, schizophrenia, bipolar, anxiety disorders, etc. and your positive experiences as well as those lies and half truths society and even therapists would have us believe about ourselves.

We are different folks, and we are beautiful. The whole human race is beautiful. Let's celebrate life.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Split Personality

I've wondered over the years if I actually suffered from dissociative illness or multiple personality disorder rather than schizophrenia at first? I had a distinct personality I called the Buccaneer whom I've discussed before, and he certainly kept me alive on many occasions but he was aggressive although I was never violent or dangerous. A kind male friend described me as "malleable" recently, which means amenable to change I believe, and a good friend also agreed. If I ever did suffer from a dissociative disorder, which seems rather likely, then I don't anymore and it's incredible that should have been overcome. I did put emotions and experiences in what I always described as "boxes" and that's disturbingly like what a dissociative disorder does as I understand it. Perhaps I'll discuss that with my psych when I see her on Monday but I don't discuss anything at length and want to see her less often, so will simply make this appointment as meaningful as I can so I don't have to follow-up a lot. I come from a psychologically and emotionally abusive background; as well as physically abusive on many occasions. It could be that I put my emotions and feelings into little boxes as a means to protect myself. It's interesting that my friend Bob from Michigan confused SZ with dissociative disorder. I thought about that and wondered if perhaps that was part of my illness. I asked a psych 25 or 30 years ago if he thought that was the case. He didn't answer me, as so often they didn't back then, and I don't know if it's because they didn't know or because they didn't know what to do about it if it were true.

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