Introduction

Hi, there. Thanks for visiting. I'm starting this blog as an advocate for mental and physical health. I'm a freelance writer and also own a home based medical transcription business. I was diagnosed in 1978 with paranoid schizophrenia and started to become acutely ill three years prior to that, unmedicated, frightened, confused, and in trouble with the law. I graduated from university with distinction the year I became ill. I've never regretted learning how to think at university. I struggled with my illness for 35 years and have reached the top of the mountain now, I think, or the other side, where the grass is greener and the path easier. There's hope for all of us, the whole human race, and never think there isn't hope or joy no matter your circumstances. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences with mental illness in all its forms: depression, brain injury, autism, schizophrenia, bipolar, anxiety disorders, etc. and your positive experiences as well as those lies and half truths society and even therapists would have us believe about ourselves.

We are different folks, and we are beautiful. The whole human race is beautiful. Let's celebrate life.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Multiple Personality No

My psych assured me a month ago that I don't have a multiple personality disorder (dissociative disorder). I don't think so, either, come to think of it. Just a result of over thinking and avoidance, including the game of analyzing everything that comes my way, like I almost tried to "fix" various people in my life and make everything the way I thought it should be, when the important issues weren't those at all. There's only one important issue and that's remaining well and free and making someone else happy to make up for all the pain I've caused over the years, if that can be made up. I don't blame anyone for anything not even myself. If anyone is still in the throes of mental illness I think it's like a prison sentence in one's own mind, that's my experience, and there's nothing that compares to the torture of OCD and delusions, depression and paranoia. If I can make anyone's life a little easier I will but not at the expense of my own freedom or happiness. Selfish? You bet your a** it is. I want to survive and I want my loved ones to be happy and survive, and that's the only way to ensure it.

Think Think Think

My life is taking shape and it's amazing that I didn't think of these things sooner. My life could have been so much easier if I'd simply been able to think straight and not been governed by obsessions/compulsions and delusions. I look back on the past two or three years even and see how much I've learned. It would have been so simple to have communicated what I know now and avoided a court case, innuendos and insults. The fact is I didn't want to commit myself to a course of action and so stayed on the fence like my husband used to call a Mugwump (face on one side and rump on the other). I decided rather recently that relying on feelings isn't the best course of action and some things simply need a decision. Like love is a decision not a feeling, I've heard, and I finally understand that.