Hi, there. Thanks for visiting. I'm starting this blog as an advocate for mental and physical health. I'm a freelance writer and also own a home based medical transcription business. I was diagnosed in 1978 with paranoid schizophrenia and started to become acutely ill three years prior to that, unmedicated, frightened, confused, and in trouble with the law. I graduated from university with distinction the year I became ill. I've never regretted learning how to think at university. I struggled with my illness for 35 years and have reached the top of the mountain now, I think, or the other side, where the grass is greener and the path easier. There's hope for all of us, the whole human race, and never think there isn't hope or joy no matter your circumstances. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences with mental illness in all its forms: depression, brain injury, autism, schizophrenia, bipolar, anxiety disorders, etc. and your positive experiences as well as those lies and half truths society and even therapists would have us believe about ourselves.

We are different folks, and we are beautiful. The whole human race is beautiful. Let's celebrate life.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Autumn Rose, A White Leather Rose of Odd Design

Yes, autumn may be the season of discovery, my favorite season for many years because to me it meant new beginnings after the ennui of summer. I think it was connected with school and later with the start of my new University term in 1971, when the campus was still beautiful back then with big old trees and a quadrangle, red and gold and brown leaves covering the ground. That first day rained and I lost my favorite rain hat, a white leatherette chapeau with a wide brim. To this day I like hats. And I like a lot of different things and people. I must say a rose remains for me the emblem of love but I'm thinking perhaps a single perfect leaf or leaves swirling to the ground like Japanese calligraphy set aflight by a wanton wind. It seems odd to think of autumn when spring isn't here yet here in Edmonton, and snow forecast for tomorrow. Last October I celebrated a birthday. I was 66 on October 23rd and someone else was 70 in that month. My Japanese friend and I had tea together that day.

It was a special day because for the first time since 1974 I knew the value of that day and the arc of the Zodiac that blesses the balance of the seasons. I've always thought "fair" was a reasonable request to ask of the universe and I think the universe and God have been fair to me.

I won't settle for a white leather rose, it must be the real thing, tall and strong and deep velvet, blooming and living so I may sit by its fragrance. It blooms in my heart but that's not enough for me anymore.

The end of something is the beginning of something new. There is a spring sprite in my heart which was born in the autumn mists and matured in winter silver drifts. But my heart is not big enough to hold this gorgeous spirit of joy. I demand what I have always demanded, a chance to do it myself. I will fight to the end for freedom and happiness. Isn't that what our countries are about? No less the country of my heart.

It draws to a close. I did it my way. Don't lose control in the dark, my friend. We will also do it your way.

And to the men who love me, I have always thought you are like Odysseus searching for his home after long years at sea. A generous, dependable and protective male Hermes rather like a sprite yourselves. In other words, part of the balance of the world, and necessary but of course incomplete without us as we are without you. There's an ancient Greek myth to explain that. There's a Greek myth to explain everything. And never forget that Aeschylus wrote of joy. Aeschylus was a man of course. And the infamous poetess Sappho seems to have reached too high for the apple at the top of the branch. It was a delectable piece of fruit overlooked with good reason.

Will the world end in 2012? It may but I don't think so. A new age may begin. It will if we all want it badly enough. Or if it is ordained. The concept of free will continues. I'll fight to the end to defend my free will, and yours. Because that's where it all began, so many years ago, with rebellion against control; with disobedience.

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