Hi, there. Thanks for visiting. I'm starting this blog as an advocate for mental and physical health. I'm a freelance writer and also own a home based medical transcription business. I was diagnosed in 1978 with paranoid schizophrenia and started to become acutely ill three years prior to that, unmedicated, frightened, confused, and in trouble with the law. I graduated from university with distinction the year I became ill. I've never regretted learning how to think at university. I struggled with my illness for 35 years and have reached the top of the mountain now, I think, or the other side, where the grass is greener and the path easier. There's hope for all of us, the whole human race, and never think there isn't hope or joy no matter your circumstances. I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences with mental illness in all its forms: depression, brain injury, autism, schizophrenia, bipolar, anxiety disorders, etc. and your positive experiences as well as those lies and half truths society and even therapists would have us believe about ourselves.

We are different folks, and we are beautiful. The whole human race is beautiful. Let's celebrate life.

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Catcher in the Rye

Remember that book? Holden Caulfield dreams of being the catcher in the rye. He will catch those who have fallen. I may not remember this book clearly but that stays with me for some reason; the Bridge Over Troubled Waters, the Catcher in the Rye.

This winter is going to be better than last winter, I think, which was better than the winter before. I know it sounds premature to think of winter in the middle of August but it's something like thinking of winter roses that bloom in the cold and dark in our souls. The roses I hold in my heart have no thorns. I've learned to let go. I've learned to be less selfish. And I've learned to put someone else's welfare first. It's not all about me and if I start in to be just too selfish or clinging, or take myself too too seriously, then please someone point it out so I can change.

A pastor pointed out to me once that my beloved cost/benefit analysis could work with a group or (and this is my interpretation) with someone else's benefit and my cost, in other words, what is the cost to me compared with the benefit to someone else?

This makes me very happy to think about. There is so much of which to let go in life. Let go of selfishness, let go of delusions, let go of suspiciousness and paranoia, let go of control, let go of a situation which has gone on far too long like the Hatfield McCoy feud. It amounts to freedom when we finally let go of a person or situation; freedom for them - happiness and ultimately liberty for us.

I've been guilty of many errors in life.

By far the worst was selfishness.

Few understood the catcher in the rye. Few understood the bridge over troubled waters. Many think they're cool concepts. They make a good book; they make a pleasant song. I thought they were cool concepts. I thought they made a good book; a pleasant song.

I didn't understand the Catcher in the Rye.

Here is my outstretched hand. It's empty.

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